Love Steeped in Silence

On Silence:
First ,silence makes us pilgrims
Secondly, silence guards the fire within
Thirdly, silence teaches us to speak
-Henri Nouwen

I wrote the post below awhile back, it is good for me to revisit these thoughts as I contemplate silence this Lenten season. I would say that silence, outer and inner silence, teaches me to listen.....






It all started with a flood. Actually it started before the flood. I have limped though this past year picking up burdens, letting joy seep out of me, tired and weary. I had big plans for the weekend. David was going to take the kids away for the weekend and I was going to plan, pray, and map out my course for the next year. The house would be quiet and clutter free. And then our basement flooded. The house was noisy: 19 large industrial fans and dehumidifiers blowing 24/7. And messy: all the basement stuff everywhere, and the house filled with all sorts of people. I had a big pity party the first night, then I remembered that my heavenly Father knows what I need, and based on what happened, I did not need a weekend alone. I did spend some time praying and thinking and feeling like God just wants me to rest in him and wait on Him. I do not wait well. I like to plan, to have life all figured out. I had the book "Sacrament of the Present Moment" on my bedside table for some time, so I decided it was time to pick it up. With the book before me, I began to read and pray.

God speaks to us through what happens to us moment by moment. Our single duty is to fix our eyes on Him listen and obey.


So we leave God to act in everything reserving ourselves only to love and obedience of the present moment. For this is our eternal duty , this compelling love steeped in silence is required of every soul.


Compelling love steeped in silence, that line has stirred my soul. I am a person who does not like noise, it wearies me. I live in a house with a lot of noise. I often say: "No unnecessary noise!"

I realized that I have been weighed down with too heavy of a yoke, by allowing the daily burdens to become big, by not trusting Him to act in every moment. My love for Him has not been steeped in silence, but filled with the noise of the endless chatter that goes on in my head: voices of doubt, fatigue, plans, solutions. My cry has been "Lord , help me, show me." Then I resume the inner dialogue of what I think seems best. It is not like I have stood up and defiantly said "No, God, I will not listen." I have slowly drifted and carried a burden I was not intended to carry. How did I get here? When did I stop listening? It is not a solution I am seeking but a relationship, with a fixed gaze on the beloved of my soul.



Pure and simple, and sure, it is a straight path along which souls walk with courage and faith , looking neither to the left or the right , unconcerned with everything else....in short they are active in everything needed for the fulfilment of their duty in the present moment, but passive, submissive and self forgetting in everything else only meekly waiting on the divine will..





I read this and tears spring up and I think "That's it? That is all I have to do? I can lay down this burden that has cramped and pinched my soul and be like a child and take no thought for tomorrow because it is in my father's hands? I can let him carry the burden?" If His will for me is in the present moment, I am grieved to think of all I have missed, what have I not heard because I was thinking about tomorrow or next week. How many times have I looked at a loved one pretending to listen but my mind racing thinking of something else? How many times have I sought direction from books or blogs and not listened to Him in the moment? So I am trying to be more intentional with my present moments, for example a conversation with my teenage son in the early morning over tea. Moments such as these are truly sacred. God is here in this moment showing me the heart of my child. This moment is sacred, I can never get it back. It is filled with purpose, His purpose for me.


The hour through which you are at present passing, the man whom you meet here and now, the task on which you are engaged at this very moment- these are always the most important in your whole life.- Paul Evdokimov

So here I am trying trying by His grace to love with a love that is steeped in silence in these important moments in my life....


....this is my prayer....


....this is my hope....